A Poem for the Scoobies...

2 November 2005

Well...actually...this isn't a poem...but I do write poetry...and some of it is even good! From time to time I've even managed to get it published...and I've even been invited to read it out loud...in front of people...incarcerated people...but people none the less! Just kidding...just kidding...well...not really...I am a poet...but...well...nevermind...this attempt at humor was killed in a manner that I thought only Sara Leedom could achieve. Sara baby...it happens to the best of us...just to you more often than the rest of us combined.

Actually...today's words are a tribute to my favorite cartoon (Scooby Doo) and some of my favorite people in the world...The Scooby Gang...aka...Team Superflick...aka the Nerds from the Northside...oh yes...I'm talking about those fondue eatin'...summer trip takin'...half-assed canoeing..."I've Never" playing...titans of low key entertainment...and bravers of brain damage causing amusement parks...drum roll please...PETER...DEBBIE (sometimes referred to as PETERDEBBIE since their offical merger a little over a year ago during an outdoor nuptial ceremony in which a hornet threatened to get this Scooby kicked right out of the Gang)...CATHY aka HNIC...DAVID...DAWN aka SNOW BEAST...KRISTINA aka X-TINA...BRANDON aka The Prettiest aka Sweet B (that's me!)....HAYLEY...JESUS aka CHEWY (tehehehe)...and with guest appearances by JESSIE...ERIC...ERIK...YOGI...and RICKY aka Dawn's Future Husband. There is actually absolutely no real relationship between Scooby Doo the cartoon and our Scooby Gang...but that's our name...and I loved Scooby Doo...so that's all the justification we need. So th ere.

Anyway...this group of individuals is pretty much down right amazing...each member of the Gang has some pretty remarkable talents...we've got a budding zoologist (with an unnatural obssession with manatees)...an artist/collections specialist (she's bad ass)...a cell phone company minor magnate...another cell phone company magnate but even more minor than the last one (even though she...the minor magnate...makes about 2.5 zillion dollars a year...and just debuted her new living quarters...the woman's kitchen would be a home for a family of 14 in Guatemala)...we've got a killer poet/playwright/fundraiser...a computer genius that also knows everything about cheese and hates it...our own compensation expert (she can tell us exactly how much we are underpaid  and our efforts undervalued...but she can do it with a smile!)...let's not forget the architect (I've seen some of the toilet stalls he's come up with...not shitty at all)...and a future doctor (pediatrist or cardiologist or coochieologist...I can never remember)...and amongst our associate members we've got folks that can brew beer...and another that can drive a nuclear sub....oh yeah and the guy at MIT that is working on some Star Trek shit (matter that exists in two places at one time)..basically...with our powers combined...we could rule the earth...but instead...we get together on a regular basis to watch movies...eat fondue...and inevitably do something to piss Dawn off...but that's all part of the fun and games...plus...I'm still mad that she brought the racist/homophobic redneck...who manged to call people that march in pride parades freaks and then actually said the words WET BACK outloud (he wasn't asking for a towel)... to our summer weekend getway to the Precipice in Summer 2004 (8 rooms and two hot tubs right on the North Shore of Lake Superior...if I weren't the only homo in the pack...I'd have been making sweet love by the moonlight reflected off the midnight waves...instead Cathy and I made out a little bit...just playing...just playing).

The way this crazy pack of kids all came together is somewhat of a mystery...for most of the folks in the quite clannish grouping went to the same junior high and the same high school...that basically covers everyone except me and the X-Tina...although I believe she did go to junior high with the rest of the pack...I am the truly odd ball out in the group as I went to a different junior high and high school from the rest (although in the same city)...I was lured into this cult by Dawn...who was my next door neighbor in high school...like...the front window of our apartment faced her big white house...and because we were lazy...instead of jumping over the fence and walking the 5 feet to talk to one another...we would scream to each other out the window...until our Mother's threatened to push our heads through the glass...tough as nails these Minnesota women.

But regardless of how the crew came together...without them I don't have any clue where I would be...there has been more than one night when I've called Cathy to say that I didn't want to be alone...and her door was always open...Peter was nearly shocked into the first case of male menopause when Superfag appeared at a poetry reading that I was part of...and we all saw his secret weapon as it dangled below his mini-skirt when he jumped around stage  (this was also the show where during a video clip preview of a jack-off porn available during the silent auction...several of the Scooby Gang...along with myself...were treated to the sight of my first boyfriend at the U of MN...Torry...jacking off on the back of a farm tractor. I totally own that video now)...and the entire gang was there for me when I went coo-coo-bananas last spring...as a matter of fact...each of us has been there for the other whenever we've needed for anything...usually before we've had to ask...that's what friendship is all about. People have come and gone from the group (our headquarters is in Minneapolis...but we have satelitte stations in Kansas City, Albuquerque, Richmond, Boston, and somewhere in the North Atlantic)...but folks always come back...and with Dawn...it's like she never actually moved to Kansas City...and with all the traveling she does back and forth on the weekends...I wonder when she studies (girl...have you figured out which end of the stethescope you put in your ears?).  When any one of us has life drama...the email circle is called into being...and it's powers are mighty...we look to each other for advice...support...and a kick in the behind when necessary (figuratively...or in Cathy's case...on occassion actually...Cathy ain't no joke ya'll...fierce...talented...perfect hair...and kung fu action manolo blahniks). I know that not everyone is blessed to have a Scooby Gang to call their own...so I am extra appreciative of mine...we are all so different...and that is what makes our friendships so wonderful...that...and we've all been implanted with coded microchips deep in our ceberal cortexes...should we fail to report in to the HNIC at our appointed times...well...if you've ever seen the movie Scanners...you know what we risk. To the Scoobies...I love ya'll...I'll see ya soon.

P.S. Check out my photo album for a picture of the Scooby Gang.