Let's Talk About Sex Baby...

So...basically...I'm a slut. Please note that I do not find the term to be pejorative…but instead I use it as an accurate descriptor of my personal love for personal sexual pleasure…preferably with another human of the male persuasion (with or without a penis).  I tried sex with a woman ten years ago…Molly…my high school girlfriend. After a decade I can remember very little except that I had no idea what to do with breasts (which is highly hilarious considering the level of sensitivity I enjoy from my nipplage)…I knew biologically the function of the clitoris…but I spent most of our sexual interludes wondering if it was just the clit that was sensitive or if the whole vagina was like some sort of inverted penis…like you could just touch it anywhere and BANG BOOM it was all good (I have since been firmly corrected by the many wonderful women in my life…thanks friends)…and the only time I even got near to having an orgasm during our six months of sexual activity…was the one time that…well…I hit it from the back…so to speak.  Every now and again I find myself attracted to a woman enough that I think I could perhaps foray down the path towards bisexualdom…but unfortunately for me the women that I have found myself the most attracted to tend to be hot butch dykes that look kinda faggy and really have no interest in what I have to offer…and really…I think I’d just want them to strap one on and do me like they do on the Discovery Channel.

So it looks like until Nichole (NOT Noodle who I mentioned in an early blog…but a queer Nichole that I see once a year at Creating Change)…decides that she wants a little Puerto Rican bootie…well…I guess its men folks for me. Or man folk. Which is the subject of today’s blog. Now…I’d like to preface this blog by saying that I have yet to have a person to person conversation with PJ about this topic…and I know he reads my blog…so anything read here is to be taken as externalized processing…so please don’t show up in my office in a ball of flame…but I am not faced with negotiating some of the particulars of this new and exciting relationship. Now…after doing a thorough survey of some of my closest friends…I have found that 100% of them think that non-monogamy is the way to go (basically ethical slutdom). I personally believe in polyamory (the ability to have more than one primary partner)…but I also know that I do not believe that I would be able to effectively be in a polyamorous relationship…I’m one of those gays that is just fine if you sleep with someone else (if that is the nature of our relationship and all the pre-set rules have been followed…I’m a Virgo…rules are my life)…but if I find out you are getting emotional support and sharing your hopes and dreams with another man…well…that’s grounds for immediate cutting. BOBBITT UP!

Now…most of my relationships have been monogamous. One time I cheated on a partner, and I felt so guilty afterwards that I ended our relationship and didn’t date anyone for almost a year. But the reality is that I have yet to see one single long term (talking 5+ years) relationship between two men that has not been non-monogamous to some extent (either explicitly…or based on the fact that they cheat at will). And really…when it comes down to it…I am not willing to lose someone special over some base biological craving. Really…men are designed from the gate to be sluts. It’s true…once we start making sperm we never stop making the stuff…we could be on our death beds and impregnate as many women as we can as long as we can still get it up and shoot it out. Our hormones drive us to mate from the minute they kick in…and in most cultures outside of the West (excluding France) a hole is a hole is a hole…and it don’t matter if the sex is for procreation or for the celebration of a cute ayass that you tagged walking down the streets of Ulaanbaatar. Hey glory.

What I’ve found though, in the past, is that (and this goes for me too) when someone has wanted a relationship with any form of non-monogamy…I have taken it…or I’ve had it taken…as a commentary on the person that I am with or that is with me. Which is really hard…because anyone in the world that tries to tell me that once they fall in love they stop having lustful feelings for Chayanne or Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie in Mr. and Mrs. Smith…is straight up sellin’ the

Brooklyn

Bridge

…and I ain’t buying.  But then again…we have been programmed by tv, media, playing house in pre-school, church, Mom and Dad, and the Human Rights Campaign to believe that monogamy is the only way and that anything else is deviant and should be exorcised…preferably on prime time television (although if Anderson Cooper is hosting the news spot…I’d do just about anything he wanted…grrrrrrrowlll…he’s my new celebrity crush).

I fully believe that PJ and I will come to an agreement of something that will work for us in the context of our relationship. But ya’ll know me…I use this blog as therapy…and if I take a moment now to start thinking outloud…maybe I’ll learn something new and useful about myself…and ya’ll have a chance to see a little bit more of me. And, I believe if you address Christmas cards to

Brandon

the Ho,

Albuqueruque

,

NM

…they will arrive at my door...no problem. Santa always knows where to find me.