.1 Is Too Much!
So last night I competed in the monthly Poetry and Beer Slam at The District...and I was on fire. My lowest score of the evening...out of 30...was a 28.2...with my highest being a 28.9...I had the highest score of the tournament...and the highest score in every round...except the last...when some kid with mediocre talent beat me by one tenth of a point...just enough to make him the slam champion and to secure him a spot in the Individual Slam Champion Finals next week...and leaving me with only one more chance to get into the championships...tomorrow night...at the Blue Dragon. And dammit...I am going to WIN! Everyone from the waitress slinging drinks to the other contestants and judges said that I should have been the winner...but some slack jawed yokel with a soft-spot for a teen Dad...gave the cooter a 9.9...and since we had only three judges...instead of five...the top wanky score stood instead of being dropped as it should have been! Wanker! Yeah...I'm just a little bit bitter today about the whole thing...since I promised ya'll some poetry today...I am going to include one of the three poems I read last night for your enjoyment...I'm sure I'll have more to say tomorrow...but today I have to find out where Alonzo lives...sever his vocal chords...and make it look like a can opener accident....oh and lest I forget...I got the wonderful news that it's going to cost be another $240 dollars to get my car out of the shop...in addition to the $500 I've already paid. Praise Jesus. Thank God for payroll advances. My little $750 dollar volkswagen deal has now cost me $1500. Hey glory. Just what I needed for Christmas...another bill ;-). But enough of my complaining and belly aching...I'm actually in a darn tootin' good mood this morning (I took a salsa aerobics class...and the instructor is fine as hell)...so...on with the poetry!
Dirty
For the freak in all of us
I am a freak
one of those retrofitted
1970s lava lamp and bead curtain freaks
booty shorts and go-go boots
gold fish in the heel
no underwear wearing
free ballin’ six times a day if I can get it freak
When I see a pair of Levi 501s
clung to an ass, snug fit in a tight crevasse, perfection
I stand at attention, salute the gluts
ready to ask and tell
I’m a techno 21st century freak
with the Kama Sutra on my palm pilot
thirty-six different positions, fully illustrated
with detailed instructions just a click away
Give me a pair of pecs, chiseled cheeks on a disco sheik
making dirty dancing look like the polka
leavin’ no space in between for Jesus
I feel the urge to get down on my knees
for an extended prayer session
I’m an Easter Bunny freak hopping from basket-to-basket
sampling the goodies,
chocolate, caramel, and, on occasion, vanilla
melting on the back of my tongue
Turkish delights and English toffee,
and other sinfully delicious multi-national oral adventures
When I see amber waves of abs
rippling down towards a purple mountain
legs spread like the fruited plains
I start to feel downright patriotic
I’m a 24-hour freak, open on holidays and weekends with double coupon days and two for one sales
No shirt, no shoes, that’s alright with me,
But I do reserve the right to refuse service
Does my explicitness offend?
Well you should see the way I bend
When a fly guy walks by with a bulge in his pants so thick, you’d swear he was pregnant
if it weren’t for the location and my obvious anticipation
Pleasure so sweet I get a toothache just thinking about it
I believe hiding and rejecting our sexuality is a prime component in the spread of HIV
And other maladies that run rampant in our bodies
Minds irradiated by the “Moral Majority” teaching us that “gay sex” is a sin, letting shame in to co-opt our ability to defend our lives and ourselves
And sometimes I find myself self-questioning
surrendering to the twisted lies and ideals
the Ozzie and Harriet, Ward and June, Father Knows Best fantasies and fallacies
that try to steal our right to love and fuck whomever we choose
But, when I start to forget and give in to that shit
I pull out my mirror and say with pride
With a wink and sly smile
I am a freak.
- Brandon
- Minneapolis
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