It's Time to Start Livin'....

Basically...since leaving Minneapolis...I've been exisiting on the edge of things. I stepped into this time warp called Albuquerque...where everything moves just a little bit more slowly...and I came to an almost complete stop. Part of that revolves around my role here at YouthAction. I was hired to come down here an d maintain...keep things on track...make sure we at least are stabilized...help the staff get to some firmer footing...aim for forward movement but stasis is better than backsliding...well...I went one further and pretty much applied that to my life. And that really is no way to live. Stasis...as Tony Kushner so vividly declaims in his Pulitzer Prize winning play Angel's In America...is the opposite of living. Stasis is death. Only the dead do not move. The living must maintain constant motion or we are just place holders and occupying precious living space. 

My life here, for the most part, would bore Jesus. I mean, really, I work and I watch movies. That's about it. Up until last night, after a firm highly diva-esque lecture by my colleague Jose, I hadn't gone to the gym in two months. Now...for all ya'll that know me...the gym for me has been a little bit  like church for me in the last nine months. But after leaving the office...I could hardly think about getting in my car and heading over to the gym...and that should have been warning sign number one. When I stop working out...something is for sure wrong in my head. When I start to isolate...WATCH OUT...and I have been doing all those things for a while...and ladies and gentleman...that is the first and last step towards that frightening thing we addicts like to call a relapse supreme.  But something happened yesterday that caught my attention...I got a letter in the mail. I got a letter...from me! Oh yes...I wrote myself a letter some eight months ago in a group session with Ross...that poor big girl black woman trapped in that small skinny white man's body...and yesterday I got it in the mail. I was able to read about where I was four days after entering ye old rehab center...and man oh man have I come a long way baby...and man oh man...did I see how short of a trip it is right back to where I was. The Lord works in mysterious ways...and sometimes He uses the United States Postal Service. Hey glory.  So last night, I stopped at Target and bought a stylish new gym bag with a lovely new lock for my gym locker, I hopped in my motor vehicle...hit I-25 at top speed...and spent exactly 33 minutes at Defined Fitness. Come on ya'll...it was my first time back in two months...I wasn't trying to pull nothing. Tonight I am going to a spinning class (Lord...you said you wouldn't lay any burdens on me that I can't bear)...and I'm going to step up my step work...my addict my be out doing pushups...but Goddammit...so am I.