The G-O-D....

So this morning, as I was lamenting the fact that my air mattress has sprung a leak...and as a result I woke up with a massive leg cramp from the Satanic cold seeping up from the tile floor through the deceased Swiss Comfort Level Three Air Bed...I turned on my DVD player and flipped to the Special Features section of The Gospel DVD. I clicked on the song You Are Good (a kick ass song by Kirk Franklin)...and washed the morning funk from my body.

As I was in the bathroom praying that my hair wouldn't freeze before I could finishing brushing it...I started to sing along...filled with a sense of amazement that anyone listening to black Gospel music could have any doubt that there is a God. The spirit of celebration and the fundamental spirit of transcendence that I feel whenever I hear black Gospel music is all I have ever needed in the way of proof of God's existence. And it really is that specific...when I go to Catholic mass...I could just as well do without the hymns (although I do love me a massive Catholic choir that sings old school stuff...you know...like Handel's Messiah). There is something about the history of African-American people...something about living for centuries in this country with nothing and no one to truly rely on but ourselves, our community, and our God that is still so viscerally real in black spiritual music...whether it be Old Negro Spirituals or the latest hit by Mary Mary. It is only by the grace of God...that so many of our ancestors survived...the grace of God...and Harriet Tubman...that woman worked!

Now...I absolutely believe that there is more than one way to understand the Divine...I think I've mentioned this before...but it just so happens that the Christian flavor of Diety is what does it for me. And it's not always easy being a progressive person and being a Christian. I take that back actually...it is easy...but I have had some spectacular events with people I love around issues of religion. I believe that being a progressive Christian is a radical act. I believe that Christianity...like so much else that has come from historic communities of color...has been co-opted. My friend Jeremy likes to harp on and on about brown Christians being colonized...love you kid but read your history Christianity was colonized.  Just in case people are wondering or have any doubts...the men and women living in Judea and Israel 2000 years ago...were not white. Unfortunately...Christianity was taken, warped, and used by white people (Europeans in particular) to justify all kinds of barbaric acts (slavery---when slavery first took hold...the legal justification for enslaving individuals was based on religious adherence or being a prisoner of war and not on race...race based slavery was developed slowly over the 200 year period from about 1500-1700...other fun things from Christianity's not so fun history...the crusades, subjugation of women, anti-queer campaigns...and the list goes on...funny thing...the early Christian Church---before Rome took over---was queer friendly, woman friendly, and preached absolute equality of all folks...also...remember...that when Christiantity was founded...the Roman Empire was comprised of folks of all shades of black and brown).  My family has suffered from some of Christianity's craziness..my Great-Grandmother was taken from her nation and forced into a boarding school...de-Indianized as much as possible...and forced to take a new name.  I have no illusions that horrible things have been done in the name of Christianity...and I would give just about anything to have  been on the other side as various and sundry Popes, Bishops, Presidents, Kings and Queens were met at the Pearly Gates with express tickets to Beelzebub's Play World and Torture Fair. I'm not quite sure what they missed when Jesus said...the greatest commandment...if you keep no other...is to love.  Burning people at the stake, unless I am really mistaken, is hardly an act of affection.

I played around with the idea of switching up religions. Judaism is extremely attractive to me...the idea of Tikkun Olam...that we all have a responsibility to work to bring the world back to its original state of grace...is probably my favorite Judaic ideology (please oh please oh please have someone remind the Israeli government of this). When I was in high school I thought about becoming a Muslim...but really...I just wanted to be able to shout at people in Arabic when I was angry...and I figured that didn't justify a religious conversion...I even thought about Wicca...but you want to talk about crazy white people (not all by any means...but wooooooowheeee!). I still now and again thing about emerging from my mikvah and freshly minted Jew...but I still have some things to work around with Jesus (like...the whole Messiah thing...really...that doesn't bother me so much...I just don't want to have to give up his teachings...and one really can't be a Jew and still have some love for Jesus...and the Jews for Jesus ain't nothing but a religious right crazy crazy group). In the end...I just can't imagine leaving behind a faith that has sustained my family (except Grandma Bim We We) for centuries.

I am thankful for my faith and my spiritual grounding. There are times and have been times when I have had some pretty harsh things to say to the Creator...generally at times when I've pretty much fucked up on a consistent basis...and then pulled a why me...poor me...it's all your fault...with the Gesu Cristo.  There are times as with this morning when God uses music to remind me that He is still there...still rooting for me...still waiting for me...still willing to work with me. One of the hardest things to do is to let Him help work things out (I'm a type A control freak...He may be omniscient and omnipotent...but I'm a Virgo--totally His fault---and we don't like anyone trying to run things too much). But if I've learned anything in this vida loca of mine...it's that when I'm running things...things run me. When I let Him run the show...then I get front row seats and back stage passes. I've been running things a little bit too much lately...that's probably why God smote my air mattress. But like the Kirk Franklin song said this morning. "Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever."