Adventures in Clubbing...

So...just about every week Jose tries to pry me out of my apartment and lure me to one dance club or another. In general...I am able to distract him with something glittery and make my get away. But yesterday, I decided that I should probably stop acting as if I were 82 instead of 28, and I told Jose that I would go out with him.  I can remember a time when I was the one dragging people to the club. It was a rare week that went by that I couldn't be found sipping fruity beverages and shaking my money maker at the local queer meat raffle. And if there was a drag show going on anywhere accessible by public transportation...you could bet your girdle that I would be there...with my dollars out ready to scream myself hoarse for Miss Puerto Rico Continental Plus, Miss Southern States, or some sad queen that pelted the audience with costume jewlrey every time she did a wind up and spin (RJ...you know what I'm talking about).  But sometime around the age of 25...I realized that 1/3 of my income was going to cover charges, and if I really wanted to get drunk with my friends we could buy a bottle of something and take care of that business in the comfort of our own home and avoid any unpleasent Coyote Ugly moments.

Since moving to Albuquerque, I've gone out approximately three or four times. The first time...Josefina La Gran Puta was supposed to meet me at AMC. I'd been in town all of three days...and this heifer smoked up and passed out at home...leaving me at this hole in the wall gay bar with barely an idea of how to get home. That one came very close to death that night. Yes she did. At least he didn't pull a Gigi Archibeque...who failed to show up to the club one night by bar close...and this was when I was visiting...back when I was still on YouthAction's board...it was winter...I didn't have my coat...and I ended up having to go to an after party with some random boys that picked me up in the parking lot. I still don't let her live that one down. But back to last night.

So last night I put on something hot...and jumped into the Kaiser. I scooted down to the good old Pulse...and met up with Jose and Jeremiah (I love me some Jeremiah...she is double fierce with two snaps in Z formation). We had a blast. We formed a circle and elbowed our way onto the dance floor...avoiding the flailing white boys and the attempts by sub-standard GoGo boys to appropriate our dollar bills. The music was good...and we were dropping it like it was hot, blending our milkshakes, popping coochies and there was even a special moment when we all busted out and did the snake. It was high faggotry at its best.

One of the highlights of the evening was actually getting to see Jose's former boyfriend one Mr. Joseph in person. This boy's pictures do not do him justice. Ms. Ramirez was very lucky last night that I love her and value her friendship...otherwise...me and Joseph would have been bumping uglies in Bernalillo all night long! The night was going spectacular...we were sweaty from dancing...and then...the lights came up. If you've ever been in a gay bar at bar close when they turn on the overhead lights...it's like a scene from the Gremlins...people start screaming and running for the shadows yellin' "BRIGHT LIGHT BRIGHT LIGHT." And I know a few of those boys at the bar last night definately were fed after midnight. Not cute.  We started making our way towards the exit when Jose's gal pal made a detour for the bathroom. We accompanied her. As we were sitting waiting for her to finish her bidness...a black guy with dreds came in the bathroom and made a comment about us moving along. I very nicely said to him that we were just waiting for our friend, and we would be on our way. Jose said nothing and just sat on the bench. Well...obviously his silence was mistaken for attitude...because before you could say Janet got a weave...this black queen was in Jose's face...unprovoked. Well...that only served to wake up the ghetto beast that is never far from the surface in Jose...these two went at it like two old ladies at a bargain bin..then the bouncers showed up...and Jose thought she was wonder woman...fixin' to throw down with all of them. I stepped in the middle and did my best to usher Jose out of the club...as he made a point to remind the bouncers of their hourly wage and exact job qualifications. At one point I even tried screaming that I was a lawyer...that didn't work...I could have said I have three testicles and an Aunt named Sherman for all they cared. I managed to get the dred man and two of the three bouncers away from us...but one bouncer decided that he was going to get him a piece of Jose...and Jose was ready to give it right back. There's nothing like an irate Latino screaming in Spanish down a dark street at 2am at a bouncer that looks as if he just got out of the joint the day before. My PTSD kicked in real good...and I pretty much grabed Josie by her extensions and hauled her to the car. In the end...everyone got home safely...and no one ended up with any knife wounds or in jail. Good times.

I can't remember the last time I had so much fun.

Jose has been...truthfully...a blessing. Over the last few weeks when I've been in a funk, or homesick, or depressed or upset because someone at work didn't do something they were supposed to do even though they had two months to do it (let it go Brandon. Let it go)...Jose has been there...guilting me into going to the gym...finding new and creative ways to damage my self-esteem until I give into to whatever it is that he requires that I do that day to push myself out of my crazy isolationism and in general being a damn good friend...albeit one that I want to push into an electric fence now and again. Only for a second...just long enough to shock some sense into his crazy ass head. A love shock really. Really. Promise.

For ya'll that haven't had the honor of meeting Jose...he's one of the best community organizers I've ever come across...has one of the biggest hearts (wrapped in stank) that you'll ever find...and is pretty much brilliant. Gracias por todo mi companero. Now get back to work!