The Day the Server Died...

So I came in this morning all gung ho and ready to lay the smack down on a project for work that I have been unmotivated to work on for weeks. And wouldn't you know it...the dang server is down. I think my life operates 100% on Murphy's law. Really. They should change it to Brandon's Law. Or Brandon's First Law of Metaphysical Smack Downs. Yeah. That's it.

To give you an example of my morning so far...I got an email from my little sister Jasmine...who I am going to see next week for the first time in 12 years. Well...my dearest sister...in addition to including her address so that I might Mapquest directions from my house in Albuquerque to her house in Las Vegas...also included the information that she is now dating Too $hort. Oh yes...THAT Too $hort...the infamous gangsta rapper. Now...if she were dating LL Cool J...I might be able to hang with the age difference...and...because...I'd spend all my time trying to get a glimpse of LL buck ass naked.  But Too $hort...is another story all together. And...the fact that the man is turning 40 this year...and my little sister is turning 23 next week...well... Mr. $hort better recognize that the Lacy's are some country ass people from the southern mountains of West Virginia...and we've got guns. Lots and lots of guns...not those piddly little hand guns that folks be shooting each other on the street with...naw...we've got assault rifles...good for knocking airplanes out of the sky...and rednecks off the back of their pick up trucks. We ain't playin'. Plus...I'm from the Northside...don't let the bright smile and dashing good looks fool you...I went to high school at Patrick Henry...where give me liberty of give me death wasn't a quotation...it was a survival tactic. And I'm not afraid to cut a bitch in his sleep....first time my sister shows up in a video in a thong...it's on daddy...it's on.

Moving on. I'm also dealing with someone that I really care about and love...but who is acting like a juvenile with some severe mental illness and perhaps a little bit of retardation. Recently two of my closest friends went through a tough breakup. Well...one of them has decided that anyone that still talks to the other one is some sort of great and powerful traitor...and no longer worthy of her friendship. Vomitar I tell you. Vomitar. And the thing that really gets my goat is that my friend Coya is struggling with feeling as if she's done something to drive a wedge between her ex-girlfriend and her friends that once had a relationship with her ex-girlfriend. And that is BULLSHIZER! The J-Monster has made her own decisions about removing herself from the lives of people that truly care for her and love her. She is the one that wants folks to jump up and down and scream and shout and validate her feelings of victimhood. I ain't the one. I really ain't the one. I'm sad that it seems as if I've lost a good friend that I respect. But I won't kow-town to behavior that most of us got over back in the 7th grade.

And then there is my beloved Pookie. My Pookie hasn't heard from any of her summer internships yet. And my Pookie is feeling down. What my Pookie needs to know is that her worth, her brilliance, her determination, and her life are not defined by, validated through, or contigent on whether or not she gets some stupid ass internship during the summer. Pookie...you are the Shi'ite, and whether you spend your summer defending indigenous land rights or providing oral pleasure to the Baroness Thatcher...you are still the top dog up and coming lawyer in all of that pretend law school that you go to ;-). See...I make things all better.

In addition to all of those things...my phone at work refuses to let me check my voicemail, my board can't figure out whether or not we are having our eight hour board meeting/conference call on Saturday, and my laundry is currently at home organizing its own Al Qaeda training camp. And speaking of Muslims...I absolutely sympathize with the Muslim communities anger over the racist and anti-muslim cartoons that hit the newspapers in Denmark and the rest of the EU (sometimes Europeans are slow on the uptake...all that homogenization and in-breeding).

Having said that I have a message to the Muslims of the world that are getting themselves shot and burning down embassies...chill the fuck out. They are cartoons for Christ's sake. When I read stuff as I read today on the AP News Wire where Muslim leaders are saying they will defend their prophet with their voices and their blood...I want to run around beheading Muslim clerics on the internet. I guarantee you that any idiot that sheds his or her blood over these cartoons is going to find a HOT reception from Muhammed (swt) on the other side. He's going to slap them about the face, kick them in the ass, and then make them convert to Judaism...and  he's going to perform the bris himself.

As you can see...I've got some frustration and anger to let out today...and I'm letting folks have it. Who's next...I got nothing but time...and I'm all about kicking ass and calling names...you want to be next?