Feelings...Nothing More Than Some Real Crazy Feelings...

Well..I wouldn't necessarily say I'm feeling crazy only that I'm feeling a whole lot of different emotions at once...for example...I'm really anxious to get on the road to get home...I'm really nervious about starting my new job next week...I'm hella nervious about my temporary living situation when I get back home...I'm super excited to be back in Minneapolis with my friends and family...I'm having a whole host of feelings about the time I've spent here in Albuquerque...I'm a little anxious about where my life is heading next...I'm a little bothered that I'm not better able to just sit in the current moment and really learn from the place where I am at the moment...I'm a little in awe at my capacity to watch movies (seven in six days...HOT DAMN...all in the theater folks)...I'm excited about the communication I've had in the last couple of days with my little sister Meta...I wish I could be at home with Coya for  her birthday tomorrow...I'm very sad that I can't be with my sister Shannon on her 25th birthday on Thursday...yeah...there is a lot going on in my little head and this here heart of mine.

I often have to remind myself that...as the immortal Celia Cruz once sang...life is a carnival...we are never alone...God is always with us...and that life might not always seem fair...but it is a beautiful thing and we have to live it. Sounds pretty simple eh? Yeah sure...you bet...as they would say in Minnesotan. But at the same time...it's a tall order...if I spend too much more time thinking about living...instead of just living...I'll probably pass out. And that's the rub...right there...too much of the time...I pass the days thinking about really living instead of actually living. You see if you think about it...think about what you want to be doing or could be doing or should be doing...then you don't actually have to do it...and if you don't actually have to do it...then you can't possible fail at it...but if you talk about it in a grand enough matter...well then you can fool people into thinking that you perhaps are doing it...face is saved...without having to actually risk anything...or accomplishing anything...or experiencing anything. That's the American way.

But...I'm challenging some of that in myself...for example...two things going on...I've vowed for aeons that I was going to write a book...I've started it. And this summer I'm going to India...where for a week...I will be travelling the country by myself before meeting up with my friend Sireesha at her wedding. The thought of being 10,000 miles from home...in a country that isn't near anything or anyone that I know (I had a friend in Uzbekistan until last year...but now he's home)...is a little bit daunting...a whole lot terrfying...and damn exhilirating...tickets are being purchased...passport is next...and if that isn't living...I don't know what is.

Life on life's terms...that's what it's all about. I suppose I should get it on with it then. Here I go.