It's a Bird...It's a Plane...It's a Hot Man in Skin Tight Rubber!
My hormones lately have been in ultra-mega-super overdrive. I mean...going to a movie like Superman (btw...the new superman is the hottest FUCKING superman ever...even better than the dude from Smallville...and he makes me orgasm spontaneously just by thinking about him)...is like going to a porn for me these days. I was watching Into the Blue last night with Coya, and I almost started molesting my mattress. I need to get laid.
I mean REALLY. This is the longest I've gone without gettin' some...it's been over a month. In Gay Standard Time that's basically two minutes passed forever. I've gone on a couple of dates with a beautiful man who's super sweet...Brian...but we're taking it slow and that's cute and stuff. I appreciate it absolutely. And if we get to the point where we go sexual...he isn't going to be able to walk for exactly 2.5 weeks when I'm through. I have spoken.
The other day I was having coffee with my friend Susan...and I started to feel badly. Here I am sharing a lovely moment with one of my favorite people...and then two of the world's finest men walk by...with anti-gravity booties and chests that I would suckle until they started to lactate...and behind me the world cup was playing on a big screen...and I think I heard every third word that came out of Susan's mouth. Every nerve ending in my body was shrieking...MATE MATE MATE MATE MATE...MATE!
The fact of the matter is that I work all the dang time, and I'm so tired by the time I finish working that if the entire Brazilian soccer team magically appeared in my bedroom...naked...oiled...lubed...and commanded to fullfill my every fantasy...I'd most likely kiss 'em goodnight, make them lay down and form a human Sleep Number mattress...and go right on to dream land. Of course...if they were still there in the morning...I'd call in sick...for a month.
So...life goes on apace...my life is pretty fun and exciting right now...it could be a lot worse...so if all I have to complain about is some sexual frustration...it may be time to invest in some personal lubricant and call it a night.