Babies Get In My Belly...

Wow...is my biological clock ticking. My friends Rodrigo and Nubia just had their second child. Noodle is about to pop...and her twins are going to scream into the world on March 28th through a big surgical happy face in Noodle's abdomen...Hayley is four months pregnant...Debbie is three months pregnant...and Quiana is trying her damndest to squirt the cryogenic man sperm deep enough into her vulva that it has no choice but to stick and grow into a little Q-baby.

Babies are everywhere...and I want one!

But not really.

I love the idea of a baby...I love watching babies develop...I love harrassing, teasing, and teaching small children that their parent's really are ATMs and money grows on trees that Mom and Dad are hiding from the kids in that top dresser drawer they have been forbidden to open on pain of death. But, when I think back to all the diapers I've changed (I've got seven younger siblings...three of whom I changed on a regular basis)...and all the juices, spurts, squishes, odors, and mucus that comes out of mini-people...plus the definite kibosh on sleeping through an entire evening, and I find that I really love children...other people's children...so I can send them home when they burst into spontaneous bleeding...manufacture chemical weapons in their nappies, and give Maria Callas a run for her money in the vocal department.

I am super excited that I'm going to be an Uncle again....and again...and again and again and again. Actually, it's a little ridiculous that in 2007...my friends will have brought at minimum six new little cretins into the world. Don't they know in China they would be shot for that? They have no shame in contributing to global warming with each steaming methane filled pamper! But that's the beauty of Uncledom...you can feed 'em sugar...rile 'em up...buy 'em lots of presents...let them play video games until their pupils are permanently dilated...and then turn them loose on their parents with no guilt at all.

Welcome babies!